For the past few months I had the opportunity again of corrupting myself. I had the opportunity of lying to myself. I realized that certain weaknesses and false dreams will be with me forever; the difference is what I do with them. I realized that others could lie or present illusions as much as they want, but it is up to me to believe it or not.
There are some promises and sweet statements that I would love to believe blindly. Sometimes I wish I could still be the naive and candid girl I once was. “Do not worry about bills, I’ll take care of it” “I am coming to love you forever” “I’ll take care of it, honey” “Here is your check, you just won the lottery” and many other sweet illusions that I like to entertain in my mind.
Life’s experience has taught me that shortcuts are not the best way in the long run. For instance, I got married once for the dream being love by a man and having a family; at work, I hide my opinion afraid of losing a job; in social interactions, I ignored my physical needs to attend other people demands.
In other words, I have forgotten who I am to receive love, attention or economic stability. I did that with family members, friends, institutions, etc. I had abandoned myself to receive something from others.
It is taking me almost 40 years, to learn that: NO . . . LIFE IS NOT LIKE THAT.
I declare my own independency. I am free. I think and act freely. I am the only one responsible to provide me with safety and happiness.
I respect myself and I am committed to protect my divinity. I can do fair exchanges. I can negotiate better because I know my value. I have discovered a personal agent who is a compassionate inner self.
This inner self has not hidden agendas or charge emotional prices.
Thank you to those liars, oppressors and demanding people for those gifts. I know you were dealing with your own challenges. I ask forgiveness for the times I did the same. I send blessings to you all.
Maybe is true that we are all interconnected and we are all together in this world to learn from each other.
I wish you a lot of learning and inter connective insights . . . until the next post.