How does it feel to be perfect?
As I was working yesterday as a teacher assistant, I remained to the teacher about timing. You know, as a good teacher assistant, I wanted to be sure that she would accomplish everything she wants for her class. She laughed and proceeded to the next item in the schedule. The second time I talked about time, she laughed again and with profound love asked me: Carmen, how does it feel to be perfect? We both laughed and I thanked her for the inspiration for my next post.
Well, being perfect, feels exhausting, upsetting and I know is the best way to set my self for deceit and unhappiness.
For long time, I suffered trying to get in control of situations that I naively thought I could control. For instance, as a child, I wanted to control my parents; as an adult I did my best to control my environment including my bosses, my lovers, and friends. As a CEO I wanted to control everything that happened in the company. That was quite a task! As a mother I wanted to control what my child ate and learned not only at home but also in his school… poor child! As a therapist, I even thought I was getting paid to control the personal growth of my clients. I think that was the most dangerous one. During all this time I taught I was right . . . painfully right.
That’s it. Some strong life lessons have taught me that perfection is really painful. Of course the perfectionist in me is still active. I use her for my work and my every day life. However, we have a different relationship: when she demands something I stop and try to understand her need to take over the situation, I can show love to her and I can even laugh with her. This perfectionist Carmen have brought me to the place I am now in my personal and professional life, of course I am grateful for that, but she knows that there are other Carmens that can take care of me. This means that I can work hard but I also can take time off to rest and play.
I’ve learned that surrender is the most loving thing I can do for myself, and for this perfectionist Carmen. Furthermore, I’ve learned that surrender and compassion help me to step out of the way for the universe to manifest its magic in my life.
Right now my perfectionist Carmen keeps telling me that this post is not done, but we both can laugh and push the publish bottom, so I can sleep another hour before my day starts.
I wish you and imperfect and happy time until the next post!
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